Squat and Squabble

Conflicting viewpoints on topical subjects

Archives for April 2017

The Rabbit Died

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A three-foot continental giant rabbit named Simon allegedly died in the cargo hold while traveling on a United Airlines flight from London’s Heathrow Airport to Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport.

“Simon,” a giant bunny which was expected to mature into the largest rabbit in the world, was DOA when it was off-loaded at the airport.

The news of the rabbit’s demise was profoundly important, as most people had no idea that there was such a thing as four foot tall rabbits that you could see even when you were not profoundly intoxicated.

It must be true – I saw it on the internet!

A United Airlines spokesperson offered condolences and an upgrade to business class to the breeder, Annette Edwards, who is an ex-Playboy Bunny (you can’t make this stuff up!)

*Guests to the memorial services for Simon will be treated to pale lager and hasenpfeffer.

 

*Actually, this part is made up….

Funniest Thermonuclear War Fail of 2017

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Not quite what they expected.

In conjunction with its big national anniversary celebration this weekend, as the world was watching to see what time nuclear war would erupt in Asia, North Korea attempted to strut its ballistic stuff by launching a missile from an eastern coastal city.  But, uh, it didn’t go quite the way it was planned – the launch ended in a catastrophic failure.

U.S. Pacific Command said the missile “blew up almost immediately.”

Sunday’s launch comes a day after the 105th birthday of late North Korea founder Kim Il Sung.

One would surmise that the current Great Leader and grand imperial master-of-all-things dysfunctional demagogue nut-case Kim Jong Un will not be pleased with having a missile launch go bad when he is in the middle of threatening to blow up the entire world with his great armada of ballistic missiles.

You won’t like him when he’s angry…..

Certainly, it is not a good day to be a rocket scientist in the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, as this nasty termite of a human being has a reputation for taking great pains to publicly exterminate anybody who gets him upset.

Woe be unto the poor S.O.B. who was the guy in charge of North Korean missile launches this week.

We await President’s Trump’s responsive tweet, which will more than likely be something like “snicker, snicker, you fat little loser psycho dweeb!  #Eat_me! “

Regardless, this rabid Korean dog needs to be put down.  And soon.

The Mother of All Messages

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“I love the smell of a MOAB in the morning”

The US dropped its largest non-nuclear bomb ever used in combat on eastern Afghanistan on Thursday in another dramatic show of military force by the Trump administration.

The GBU-43/B, colloquially known as the “mother of all bombs” or MOAB, targeted tunnels and bunkers in Achin district in Nangarhar province, built by fighters loyal to Islamic State who also kept prisoners there.

A GPS-guided demolition bomb with an 11-ton (US) yield of explosives, it explodes above ground with a radius of over a mile.

The bomb was dropped in the mountains close to Moman village in an area called Asadkhel. About 1.5 miles away, the impact was palpable.

President Trump has a way of getting people’s attention, doesn’t he?

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